After his close encounter with the Mummy Dr Halfasleep was committed
to a mental asylum where he continues to refuse to speak.
Nurse: (Walking with Bones who is still wearing the eye patch)
It’s very thoughtful of you to visit the Doctor. He doesn’t
get many visitors these days. Goodness knows he’s not
a great conversationalist.
Bones: (Rubbing his shoulder) He’s been through a lot
Nurse: What’s wrong with your arm?
Bones: Oh nothing. It’s just a little stiff and sore,
Nurse: You should see a Doctor about that.
Bones: Nonsense! There’s nothing wrong with me.
Nurse: That’s what Mr Mahoney said in 406. Just before
his leg fell off.
Bones: Thanks for the medical advice. I’m sure you must
have other crazies …
I mean patients to attend to.
Nurse: If you need anything just ring this bell.(Points to
bell on table and leaves)
Bones: (Moving close to Halfasleep) I thought she’d never
Listen Doctor I have some news for you. Do you remember that
lipstick you were looking for in the tomb? (He writes SHHH!
on his paper and holds it up)
Yes quite. (He begins to whisper to audience)
Well I found it among all the stuff they were loading into
the boat for the museum and I managed to snaffle it just for
(He becomes animated and writes THANK-YOU on his paper)
No need to thank me Doc you’re the one …(Halfasleep’s
son Geoffrey enters carrying a newspaper)
Geoffrey: Oh Father there’s something in today’s
paper that might interest you.
Bones: If it’s that new Optus mobile deal that offers
more talk time he really doesn’t need it.
Geoffrey: No Dr Bones it’s a story that involves you
as well. It reads –
The curse of the mummy has struck the real life production
of a horror movie in Bradford. The entire cast and crew of the
blockbuster sequel “The Mummy Returns Again III”
disappeared yesterday afternoon.
Among the celebrities missing are director Steven Hamburger,
actress Nicole Childman and shooshing sensation Patricia Hardcover.
Ms Hardcover belonged to the expedition financed by Dr Halfasleep
that uncovered the tomb of King Neverbeenanygood.
Police are yet to find any leads, but have found a trail of
Dr H: (Holds up a very large sign to audience which reads HE’S
Bones: Yes, this is Geoffrey. He’s your son. You’re
(He writes on paper and hands this angrily to Bones)
Bones: No, you misunderstand. I’m Dr Bones. But I’m
sure Doctor Head will be visiting soon.
Geoffrey: Good gracious Father. You don’t think this
is the fiendish work of that beastly Mummy character you disturbed
last year do you? (Dr H. nods) I wonder what that scallywag
is up to? Fancy making an entire film production disappear.
Bones: That’s one movie that will never make the big
Geoffrey: I know this much is true. He’s done the world
a great favour which proves he’s not entirely evil. Perhaps
he’s just misunderstood.
Bones: Like your father.
Geoffrey: No he’s crazy. It says so on his door.
Bones: You’d go crazy too if you were locked up in this
room all day and night like some caged animal.
Geoffrey: You’re right. What he needs is some fresh air.
Let’s open up all the windows and doors in this place
and let some air in. (Dr H is becoming hysterical and tries
to stop them opening the place up)
Bones: Perhaps your father’s worried that the Mummy is
coming to get him.
Geoffrey: Don’t be worried Father. Yesterday’s
attack happened in Bradford. That’s at least fifty miles
away from here.
Bones: Only an hour by train.
Geoffrey: My dear fellow, Mummies can’t catch trains.
Bones: Why not. At his age he’d have a Seniors Card,
so he’d travel at half price.
Geoffrey: Dad’s got nothing to worry about. If he’s
ever scared or needs anything he just has to ring this bell
and the nurse will come running.
Bones: Do you think one nurse can defeat one of the greatest
horrors of the ancient world?
Geoffrey: Have you seen the nurse?
Bones: Point taken. Well I’m off old chaps. I’d
love to stay but I just remembered my papyrus needs pumping
Geoffrey: Don’t worry father. Everything will be just
peachy. (Blackout) [sfx thunder - 4]