Home

What's New?

FAQs

Order Now

Contact Us

Free Stuff

About Us

Links

Site Map

Scenes from "Mummy Returns Again"

Scene 4 The Precious Cargo arrives in England

(Dock workers are moving a number of cartons and containers on to the stage. A fog/mist is creeping across stage. S/FX fog horn - 5)


Toll: Keep coming. That’s it. Just keep it all together so that nothing is misplaced or lost. What is all this stuff anyway?

Skipper: (Best pirate voice)Argh… this be the treasure of King Neverbeenanygood.

Toll: I see. Did you have any problems shipping this lot from Egypt?

Skipper: It was a voyage ye shall never forget.(Lights darken. Skipper holds torch under his face for ghost story effect)

When we was loadin’ at the Cairo port locals were whisperin’ about a curse that would befall anyone who came in contact with the King’s Treasure. The sea is full of stories my friend, and crabs. Most are a load of old beluga bollocks but this ‘ere one was true. As we were soon to find out - first hand. Right from the start things went wrong. The very first night I lost the cabin boy. Then I remembered, we didn’t have a cabin boy. So I relaxed. Before I knew it, the “Greasy Sucker” became a virtual ghost ship. First, the first mate disappeared, then the second mate, then the cook, who didn’t have any mates. Then the coxswain, the boson, the professor and Mary-Anne. All disappeared without a trace, without a sound, without even a “going away party”. We left Egypt with 34 souls onboard. Now I’m the only one left to tell the terrible tale. (Stage lights up) Apart from that, it was pretty non-eventful.

Scene 7 Lunatic Asylum

Narrator: After his close encounter with the Mummy Dr Halfasleep was committed to a mental asylum where he continues to refuse to speak.

Nurse: (Walking with Bones who is still wearing the eye patch) It’s very thoughtful of you to visit the Doctor. He doesn’t get many visitors these days. Goodness knows he’s not a great conversationalist.

Bones: (Rubbing his shoulder) He’s been through a lot you know.

Nurse: What’s wrong with your arm?

Bones: Oh nothing. It’s just a little stiff and sore, that’s all.

Nurse: You should see a Doctor about that.

Bones: Nonsense! There’s nothing wrong with me.

Nurse: That’s what Mr Mahoney said in 406. Just before his leg fell off.

Bones: Thanks for the medical advice. I’m sure you must have other crazies …
I mean patients to attend to.

Nurse: If you need anything just ring this bell.(Points to bell on table and leaves)

Bones: (Moving close to Halfasleep) I thought she’d never leave.

Listen Doctor I have some news for you. Do you remember that lipstick you were looking for in the tomb? (He writes SHHH! on his paper and holds it up)

Yes quite. (He begins to whisper to audience)

Well I found it among all the stuff they were loading into the boat for the museum and I managed to snaffle it just for you.
(He becomes animated and writes THANK-YOU on his paper)

No need to thank me Doc you’re the one …(Halfasleep’s son Geoffrey enters carrying a newspaper)

Geoffrey: Oh Father there’s something in today’s paper that might interest you.

Bones: If it’s that new Optus mobile deal that offers more talk time he really doesn’t need it.

Geoffrey: No Dr Bones it’s a story that involves you as well. It reads –

The curse of the mummy has struck the real life production of a horror movie in Bradford. The entire cast and crew of the blockbuster sequel “The Mummy Returns Again III” disappeared yesterday afternoon.

Among the celebrities missing are director Steven Hamburger, actress Nicole Childman and shooshing sensation Patricia Hardcover.

Ms Hardcover belonged to the expedition financed by Dr Halfasleep that uncovered the tomb of King Neverbeenanygood.

Police are yet to find any leads, but have found a trail of bandages.

Dr H: (Holds up a very large sign to audience which reads HE’S BACK!)

Bones: Yes, this is Geoffrey. He’s your son. You’re Doctor Halfasleep.

(He writes on paper and hands this angrily to Bones)

Bones: No, you misunderstand. I’m Dr Bones. But I’m sure Doctor Head will be visiting soon.

Geoffrey: Good gracious Father. You don’t think this is the fiendish work of that beastly Mummy character you disturbed last year do you? (Dr H. nods) I wonder what that scallywag is up to? Fancy making an entire film production disappear.

Bones: That’s one movie that will never make the big screen.

Geoffrey: I know this much is true. He’s done the world a great favour which proves he’s not entirely evil. Perhaps he’s just misunderstood.

Bones: Like your father.

Geoffrey: No he’s crazy. It says so on his door.

Bones: You’d go crazy too if you were locked up in this room all day and night like some caged animal.

Geoffrey: You’re right. What he needs is some fresh air. Let’s open up all the windows and doors in this place and let some air in. (Dr H is becoming hysterical and tries to stop them opening the place up)

Bones: Perhaps your father’s worried that the Mummy is coming to get him.

Geoffrey: Don’t be worried Father. Yesterday’s attack happened in Bradford. That’s at least fifty miles away from here.

Bones: Only an hour by train.

Geoffrey: My dear fellow, Mummies can’t catch trains.

Bones: Why not. At his age he’d have a Seniors Card, so he’d travel at half price.

Geoffrey: Dad’s got nothing to worry about. If he’s ever scared or needs anything he just has to ring this bell and the nurse will come running.

Bones: Do you think one nurse can defeat one of the greatest horrors of the ancient world?

Geoffrey: Have you seen the nurse?

Bones: Point taken. Well I’m off old chaps. I’d love to stay but I just remembered my papyrus needs pumping up. Cheerio!

Geoffrey: Don’t worry father. Everything will be just peachy. (Blackout) [sfx thunder - 4]

(The silhouette of the Mummy appears at the window. Both start ringing the bell)

 

Back to the Mummy Returns Again